The Moment I Realized I Had Body Dysmorphia

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) defines Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) as “a body-image disorder characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with an imagined or slight defect in one’s appearance.”

I had heard of this concept several times before and felt that I could only relate to it on a very minor level. I thought I could relate to it just in the general sense of probably viewing my body in a more harsh light than the people around me. In feeling this way, up until now, I was fairly detached from the concept.

Then a notification badge appeared on my laptop from my “Photos” app (which I hadn’t used in a long time), telling me that I had a new memory. This memory was from a trip I took in late 2018, so it was a really random notification to begin with.

What I didn’t expect was for this notification to take me down a rabbit hole of browsing older photos of myself. Some I liked, some made me cringe. But the two photos below ignited a strong emotional response that hit me like a tonne of bricks.

Let me explain.

I barely recognize the person in these photos. My logical brain knows they’re both me, but the rest of my being doesn’t recognize this person.